10 ways to piss of edward cullen
by JaspersNumberOneLover
Summary: it all in the title rated t just to be safe
1. discover channel

Edpov

O my god my day has been the worst day of my life

_**Flashback **_

**We were sitting in science class and the intercom came on the was some one voice I did not recognize at all but she said that here a song for Edward and Bella and some revolting song started playing on the speaker the next minute it was so not funny .**

Ha-ha, well now, we call this the act of mating  
But there are several other  
Very important differences  
Between human beings and animals  
That you should know about

I'd appreciate your input

Sweat baby, sweat baby  
Sex is a Texas drought  
Me and you do the kind of stuff  
That only Prince would sing about  
So put your hands down my pants  
And I bet you'll feel nuts  
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert  
And you're getting two thumbs up  
You've had enough of two-hand touch  
You want it rough, you're out of bounds  
I want you smothered, want you covered  
Like my Waffle House hashbrowns  
Comin' quicker than Fed Ex  
Never reach an apex  
Just like coca-cola stock  
You are inclined to make me rise an hour early  
Just like daylight savings time

Do it now

You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Gettin' horny now

Love, the kind you clean up  
With a mop and bucket  
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt  
Only God knows where we stuck it  
Hieroglyphics? Let me be pacific  
I wanna be down in your South Seas  
But I got this notion  
That the motion of your ocean means  
"Small Craft Advisory"  
So if I capsize on your thighs  
High tide B-5 you sunk my battleship  
Please turn me on  
I'm Mr. Coffee  
With an automatic drip  
So show me yours, I'll show you mine  
"Tool Time"  
You'll Lovett just like Lyle  
And then we'll do it doggy style  
So we can both watch "X-Files"

Do it now

You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Gettin' horny now

You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it now  
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Gettin' horny now

End flash back

See how revolting this song was it was not funny, not just that but mike was thinking" _I do it to Bella like they did on the discovery channel._"**I swear some ones out to get me swear I just hope it nothing else happen to me again just hoping nothing dose please let nothing happen to me please**


	2. not my vlovo

Edpov

Hey Emmett did you have anything to do with that little mishap that happened too day in third period right. I asked him as we walked to were cars were parked rose was already in her cherry red convertible. Alice and jazz in the canary yellow Porsche, Bella in her old beat up Chevy ford pickup truck that I think maybe almost as old as I am. He shook his head and in said to himself ''_no but if I was that be awesome '' and started laughing mentally._ As I walked, human speed to where my silver Volvo should have been there was a note written in white sidewalk chalk it said. ''_sorry Eddie family emergency had to hot wire your car and get out of here from you'll never know mwhahahahaa lol_._'', _ I read this and ran home at vampire speed to dry sod ''my baby my beautifully baby'' I sulked and just then Bella, my love of my life the only reason for my life to still be lived walked in and screamed, ''What Edward you love that stupid ugly car more than me I can't believe you just said that it was prettier than me too ughhhhh!!!!!,''what just happened Emmett screamed mentally all I could say was I have no clue. And faster then I explained she was gone. And I was running to find her as thought how to explain a low growl built in my chest as I soon figured whose fault it was that stupid person who played that song and stole my bab… I mean my car. And now I'm on a mission to find out who this person is…………………

**A/N cliffy kinda I guess idk I know I not very good but if anybody has some advice I'm more than happy plz help**


End file.
